I had the craziest thing happen to me the other day! I have to warn you that some of the following material may be unsuitable for children. So if you’re anything like me, with at least two little monkeys crawling on you at all times, you may want to excuse the ones who know how to read now. You wouldn’t want them to repeat any of this disturbing story. Excuse the ones that can’t read too, because there’s no telling what reaction this tale may elicit from you.
So my husband and I were sitting at the food court at the mall the other day, just minding our own business and trying to enjoy our lunch. This woman walks over and sits at the table next to ours with her adorable baby in a stroller. I watched, smiling, as the young mother pulled the fat little creature out of his seat, placed him in the highchair next to her, and covered his adorable dinosaur t-shirt with a tiny blue bib. The entire time she set this up, she cooed, laughed and nibbled at his fingers. I sat there thinking, “What a wonderful mother.”
All good feelings vanished when I saw what she did next. The horrible, shocking, disgusting thing that she did next. It all happened so fast that I hardly had time to process what was happening until it was too late. I can barely even type it here, except that I want you all to understand what revulsion I felt at the time.
This mother who I had thought so highly of only a moment before had the audacity to pull from her diaper bag a small jar of applesauce and a miniature baby spoon. I watched in slow motion horror as she slowly, almost sexily peeled the foil from the top of the food. I all but gasped out loud as she dipped the spoon seductively into the lumpy sauce and brought the spoon in the most carnal way to the child’s mouth. Over and over, I watched this sensual motion until I could stand it no longer. The definite clincher was when my husband, MY HUSBAND!, happened to see these goings on from the corner of his eye, and, out of curiosity, turned his face to actually SEE what this woman was doing in the most PUBLIC of PUBLIC places!
That was it. In outrage, I threw my napkin on the table and marched over to give her a piece of my mind. I said, “What do you think you’re doing?”
She gave me this doe-in-the-headlights look, like she couldn’t figure out what I was talking about. She said, “I’m feeding my baby.”
Just like that. Like it was no big deal! So I got really mad and told her, “You know, you may be just fine with YOUR husband seeing another woman using her spoon in public, but I most defiantly am not. Spoons are meant to be kept at home where you can feed your child applesauce to your heart’s content, not in public places where everyone can see you.
“If you MUST feed your child every two hours, you need to stay home to do so. If you MUST leave your house, you need to feed him before you leave and return home in time for the next feeding. But if you REALLY, REALLY MUST stay out in PUBLIC longer than two hours, you need to go to a private spot where he can eat without disturbing others. There is a lovely restroom down the hall where several toilets are available for your sitting pleasure!
“Furthermore, a few minutes ago, a group of children walked by and saw you spooning that applesauce into your child’s mouth. CHILDREN! How do we explain to them why you have your spoon waving carelessly about? Or where applesauce comes from? I think you’ve just robbed them of a piece of their innocence.”
I walked away then, dragging my husband behind me as quickly as possible- so quickly that the posters of woman in their bras, men in their underwear, and senior portraits of nearly nude seventeen year olds were all but a blur- lest he be corrupted by this flaunting woman and her disgusting spoon. I feel as though justice was served that day, and I hope that woman learned her lesson. It is just not appropriate to feed a baby in public places.